This page features translations of signs and audio clips found and recorded in S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Call of Pripyat. We have tried to do a natural translation of the signs and audio clips meaning that they're not directly translated word for word, but we have tried to retain the intended meaning. Alot of the jokes would probably not make much sense if translated directly, word for word. So, although someone in an audio clip may literally be saying "don't sleep", for example, the translation may be "stay alert" or "no time to relax".
I've said "we" a couple of times because this page is far from my work alone - since I don't speak russian or ukrainian, I've had a tremendous amount of help from two stalkers: Dimitroff and Salvis Naglinskis. Thanks alot for your help with the translations, it means alot to me that you've put your personal time and effort into it.
"After the (implied daily) cessation of telegraph operation, the distribution of correspondence is performed on request on the conversational [no word for this in the plain english] outpost." [This one was ridiculously difficult and is impossible to write in English so it actually makes any sense whatsoever]
This section contains various audio clips recorded from S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Call of Pripyat. Many of them are recorded inside the safe areas in the game, and will include jokes and conversations; other clips are from combat situations. There are comments inside the translations to describe events, and you can also find notes from the translators or myself when something requires further explanantion. The following colors are used to indicate these additions:
This is a note from the translators. This indicates a person or group of persons talking. This indicates an event such as a grenade going off or people laughing.
[shotgun being fired] Bandit: Keep alert, those friars could show up any second! Keep your eyes peeled! Alright, we're clear, they're gone! [The bandits often call their victims “friars”, which means a stupid or foolish person]
[Gunfire] Stalker: You asshole! You're a dead man! [Few rounds fired] Bandit: Kill that chicken! [petushara means little chicken] [silence] Stalker: Uggh... way to catch a bullet for a dog tail. Help me... anyone! Bandit: Haha, catch a pill, friar! [gunshot] Keep your eyes opened. What, let's wait for more? LOOK OUT! Hey hey, buddies, it's too soon to hide the guns! Hehe, this little stiff's a kind one, he'll share, won't he? [loots stalker] Hmm, this one was an idiot, no supplies, all shit...
Stalker: Catch a grenade! [lots of gunshots and a grenade going off] Bandits: Kill... kill him! We're being killed. You son of a bitch! [more gunshots] Stalker: Help me! Bandit: Take this! [gunshot] Hide... hide, buddies! Then let's wait for some more morons? Hey, it's too soon to put your weapons away! Ok, let's loot them, they wont need all those things anyway.
[Starting after the english voice, shots and some muttled voices] Freedom: Here is a grenade for you! Duty: Follow me! Kill those bastards! Grenade! [Grenade goes off] One is dead! Freedom: Cover me, I'm going in! A grenade's no stupid bitch! [what he's essentially saying, is that a grenade will always find it's mark] Freedom: No, you have really bad karma, that's for sure! [gunshot] Don't relax people, they may come back! No, we'll sit and wait for a little while. Ok, that's it, we can relax now.
Freedom: Ok, go, I'll cover you! One is dead. Covering! Too soon to relax... wait. Ok, we're clear. No, we'll sit and wait for a while. Buddies, relax! Wait for the enemy! Don't go anywhere yet. That's them all, we're clear. Stay alert, they may be back!
Soldier #1: Alright, hear this: When the general comes around to check the divisions, remember this: after combat simulations we frequently find out that our dependable rear is actually an unprotected ass. [laughter] Soldier #2: It's imperative that we stay alert - yes, stay alert. Then we'll all get out of here alive...
Soldier: In my old platoon, we used to have this clown that would always do the funniest shit. Like that one time the general approaches him, and asks: - “So private, I see you think you're pretty smart and all?” - “Who, me?” - “Well, I am not talking about myself here, am I?” [laughter] [this one was particularly hard to phrase in English so it could retain any meaning, since it uses a few Russian expressions that just don't really translate. Essentially, the General calls himself an idiot without realizing it]
Soldier: So, hear this: One day, a general comes down from the command to visit the Cordon outpost. He walks over to one of the guards and asks: - “So, soldier, how's your duty?” - “Oh, it's alright, sir, I'm getting used to it!” - “Just imagine, soldier - you're now defending people from the Zone itself. How'd you end up here? Did you volunteer?” - “Well of course, sir, I agree that people should be protected from the Zone!” The general smiles. - “What a good soldier!”, he says as the soldier goes on. - “Yeah, I told the same to the conscripter at the recruitment office - but that bitch didn't listen!” [laughter]
Soldier #1: Ugh, I didn't need to see that body. That beast really took care of it. Feel like telling someone about what happens here in the Zone, but that's against regulations, dammit. Soldier 2: So we had this one guy in my old platoon, hear this: One day we catch a veteran stalker, and begin to interrogate him. - “So, people tell us you've got an assault rifle?” - “People talking bullshit!” - “So, people tell us you've got a machine gun?” - “People talking BULLSHIT!” - “So, people tell us you've got a tank? Well... we know you wish you had that on you right now, but it's just people talking bullshit!” [laughter] Soldier #3: These things are starting to attack patrols too now... In daytime, they squabble amongst themselves, while at night, they form packs to kill us off.
Stalker: Some just don't learn, and don't want to either... Watched too many Hollywood flicks, or maybe just lost their heads from their own greed. You try to explain about the anomalies, and they're all caught up in thinking about loot. They don't want to think about anything but the money... until their intestines decorate a nearby tree.
Stalker: So I remembered a story: Three stalkers are sharing advice, one says: - “I bought a black leather jacket, so bandits think I'm one of their own!” The other replies: - “Well, I re-painted my suit to look like military armor, so no one even wants to get close enough for a second look!” The third stalker says: - “And I bought an old, torn-up suit, and painted on the back 'I'm cursed, touch me, and my bad luck will be yours too'. Now no one even comes within fifty meters!” [laughter]
Stalker #1: So, a politician was once given a tour of the Zone. Some things intrigued him, some things outraged him, and some things... were stolen from him. [laughter] Stalker #2: Ehh... What would I give for a piece of steak right now... hot, juicy, sizzling straight from the spit...
Stalker: And all that time, I was thinking - 'just get past the Scorcher, and you'll have your Klondike of artifacts, and your Wish Granter! What an idiot! As if I didn't know my own luck. The only things to be found here are untreaded paths, and unfed beasts.
Stalker: Listen up, story time! Deep in the woods, in a bright, sunlit clearing, is a shack. On the porch, a bloodsucker is sitting. Running out of the shack comes a baby bloodsucker and starts dancing around the bigger one. - “Daddy, daddy! Show me the the Stalkers! Oh come on, daddy, show me the Stalkers!” The bloodsucker goes inside, and comes back with two skulls, one on each hand like a puppet. The left skull, in a high voice: - “Semyon, dude, you think there could be bloodsuckers nearby?” The right replies, in a mocking baritone: - “That's a good one, Petruha! Don't worry. There's no way there could be any bloodsuckers around here!” [laughter]
Stalker: Those damn soldiers... If I could just... Second time those bastards took all my loot. What the hell is there to live for with this sort of outcome. Those assholes sit in their checkpoints, riding into heaven on our backs.
Stalker: Attention! Anecdote! Once upon a time by the Cordon, a soldier and a stalker crossed paths. The stalker asks: - “Where you going?” - “What the hell, dude? That's a military secret!” - “Oh, calm down bro, I didn't realize. Why are you so sweaty, carrying something heavy?” The soldier mutters: - “As if you wouldn't get sweaty, hauling all these armor piercing rounds to the warehouse...” [laughter]
Stalker: So, I remembered... A medic is examining the injuries of his stalker patient. - “Good... Good... Good...” he murmurs. - “What's so good, doctor?” the stalker asks. - “Good that it ain't on me!” [laughter]
Stalker: So, once upon a time, the eggheads decided to do live testing of their new medicines. So they hired a group of stalkers. One day, one of the subjects comes up, and asks: - “Professor, did you switch up my drug with something else?” The scientist leans in, fixes his spectacles, looking very intrigued: - “And what might lead you to believe that the drug was substituted with something else?” The stalker replies: - “Well, before, when I threw out the pills into the swamp, they sank out of sight, but now, all of a sudden, they're floating!” [laughter]
Duty #1: Listen to this: Two Freedomers are sitting around. One says: - “I think, that in order to make an important decision, one has to get drunk first!” The other replies: - “Well I think, that when it comes to getting drunk, we don't even need to make an important decision.” [chuckles] Duty #2: We've got some decent artifacts around here. But in comparison to Sidorovich, the local traders... Damn, it would probably be more profitable growing potatoes in here than looting.
Duty #1: So, hear this! Two stalkers are sitting by a campfire. One says: - “I think that the laziest people in the Zone are the soldiers - just hold up a rookie by the village, take his stuff, and go sell it to Sidorovich.” The other cocks his head and replies: - “No, buddy, you're wrong. The laziest people in the Zone are the traders - I knew one who would always get up extra early, just so he could do nothing longer!” [laughter]
Freedom: So, this one day, we caught a Dutier by the Military Warehouses, and begin interrogating him. - “Alright, spill it, how many people in your assault group!” - “I'm not telling you bastards anything! Do what you want!” - “Just think about it, we're all honest here, we'll give you a pack of weed for every man you name in your team!” - “Haha! Did you people really think I would sell out my entire squad for just twelve packs of weed?!” [laughter]
Freedom #1: Hear this one: Rookie stalkers can't find artifacts, but more experienced ones can somehow 'not find' them. [laughter] [Another one that I found somehow hard to translate. Basically, the joke implies that veteran stalkers are using rookies to do all their work] Freedom #2: Just take the Oasis for example. What a place! It should be explored, researched. But nooo, those bastards keep their mouths shut. And if someone tries to speak the truth, they get a boot to the throat.
[The start of this entry is apparently cut off, or started at a wrong time, since this Freedomer is referring to someone, most likely Shulga] Freedom #1: And what sort of leader is he? Bullshit. Why the hell are you still even here? Just go work as a manager in some company, or hit up a contract with the army. Yeah, that's where his place is. Freedom #2: Alright, so this is how it goes: A TV crew comes to the Zone to shoot their film about it. So they catch up to one of our guys and ask him: - “What do you think of the army - of the enlisted?” - “Assholes, all of them, assholes! They're only good for skinning us stalkers. They're afraid of the mutants too. In short - they don't do shit! They're all just assholes!” The TV crew pause for a moment, stunned, taking it in, before speaking up again: - “What a radiant display of honesty... This outburst leads us to wonder... What do you think of the faction 'Duty'?” The Freedomer is silent for a moment, taking the time to think about it for several seconds. - “You know guys, I think I really overdid it on the army folks. They're alright guys, really!” [laughter]
Stalker: One stalker asks another: - “You know which car is the best for a stalker?” - “No, which one?” - “The Zaporozhets - it's built like a tank, and the trunk is in the front, so it's easy to keep an eye on the loot!” [laughter]
Stalker #1: So once upon a time, a stalker stashes his loot in a tree. Then, one evening, he decided to check if everything was still there. And sure enough - someone's sitting in the tree, his bare feet dangling down. The stalker creeps up, and grips the intruder hard between the legs: - “Alright asshole, who are you - what faction!?” The response - silence. The stalker squeezes even harder. - “I asked who the hell are you!?” The intruder is still silent. The stalker becomes enraged, and squeezes so hard that blood starts running down his arm. - “Alright you bastard! Listen up! You'd better answer before I rip it all off!” And from the tree, a weak, wheezing voice replies: - “I'm... Controller!” - “Well why the hell didn't you say that before!” - “I'm mute!” [laughter] Stalker #2: I don't know about you guys, but I want to live by the sea - that's the climate for good health right there! And here? Jesus... Dutiers, bandits, those stupid beasts too...
Stalker #1: How's this sound? [plays] Stalker #2: Wow, you're pretty good at this! Stalker #3: [Simultaneously as #2] And so we've got people splitting into flocks - like real beasts, just because of the color of their hide. Outlaws are still all the same. Others can't seem to figure out whether they're protecting us from the Zone, or the Zone from us... Those damn soldiers too - killing someone for them is no bigger than blowing their own nose.